My youngest daughter loves make up and all things fluffy and twirly. She also loves running and playing and climbing. Most days she picks out her own clothes, so you will often find her in tennis shoes or snow boots, jeans with holes in the knees, a fluffy dress, a mismatched sweater, and purple eyeshadow. It’s not a look you will ever find on Pinterest, but she wears it well.
There are times when I have wished she carried a sign that says, “I dress myself.” My mom assures me that it’s not necessary…everyone already knows.
I am thirty-six. I have this pair of leopard-print booties sitting on the floor of my closet. I love them. Every time I wear them I feel a little boost of energy and fun. But I don’t wear them very often, because I worry that maybe they’re too over the top. I am embarrassed to admit how often I think about what other people will think about my clothes and presentation.
I often hear women talk about their clothing and appearance and how they struggle with insecurity or self-doubt. It is inevitable that they will express embarrassment that it’s even an issue, that it’s something that gets any of their time and attention. It feels shallow or silly, and yet so many of us shed real tears and have real worry about it. The struggle is so, so common.
On one hand, what we wear isn’t that important. Our clothes and our hair are not who we are. Leopard print booties or sweat pants do not say anything about who we are or what we have to offer the world.
But on another level, what we wear is important if it connects to how we think and feel about ourselves. If what we wear makes us uncomfortable, physically or emotionally, that matters. (And please don’t tell me I am the only one who has felt personally offended by an item of clothing and how it fits or feels on my body. I know I am not alone in that). If what we wear helps us feel more grounded or confident or strong or professional, that matters.
It’s just clothes, in the way that a cover of a book is just the cover. We know not to judge a book by its cover or a person by their clothes. We know that we are more than what we wear.
But, it is often true that what we wear impacts how we feel.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, and I have come up with some resolutions about how I want to dress myself.
What I wear has to feel good. I resolve not to wear anything that hurts my body or my feelings. No pants that are too small, fabrics that make me itch, or shoes that hurt. I am done with that silliness.What I wear has to feel like me. Once upon a time I heard that you should look at the most successful person in your place of employment and dress like them. So, for a long time, I dressed in a way that reflected the style or expectations of my bosses. There are times and places where this is necessary. But that’s not the case anymore, and now I can dress in a way that more accurately reflects my own aesthetic. Similarly, I often see blog posts and advertisements telling me what is in and what’s not. Trends can be fun to follow, but I am done with dressing in a way that feels like anyone else but me.No more silly rules. I’ve heard that women over a certain age shouldn’t wear shorts, that some people should always wear sweaters to cover their upper arms, that certain body types should only wear certain kinds of clothing. I want to wear the clothes that are functional to what I am doing and that make me feel good. I think women of every age and body type deserve that as well.I will try as hard as I want to. So many women have hang ups about looking like they are trying too hard or not trying enough. I don’t know where this comes from, but I hate it. I hereby give us all permission to wear the bright lipstick, the fun clothes, and the jewelry. If you like it, wear it wherever you want to wear it. I also give us all permission to leave our homes in yoga pants and clunky tennis shoes and no makeup. My daughter doesn’t worry about someone thinking she looks sloppy or tried to hard. She wears what she wants to wear, and I want to do that too.
It basically boils down to the fact that I want to dress with the same freedom and fun that my toddler dresses with. What we wear doesn’t matter at all, except sometimes it really does matter to us. When it matters, I want to have some idea of why I choose what I choose and how I feel about it.