Imagine there is a place you visit every day. In that space you can meet and interact with people you know and love. You can make new friends, get support, have a laugh, find inspiration, and get connected with friends and family.
Imagine that in this place, there is freedom to speak without accountability, to share thoughts, feelings, and opinions without filter. Imagine that in this place people say horrible, insulting, and attacking things to each other. In this place people work out their hurt and fear and anger on each other and then walk away, never having to face the impact of their words. Basically, it’s fight club.
And when you go to this place, you’re never quite sure if you’re going to get a funny cat video or a gut punch.
I’m sure that this thinly veiled description of social media sounds very familiar.
The world has felt very dark and sad and scary in the last week. The level of vitriol and hatred that I’ve seen in the news and on social media has quite literally taken my breath away.
I believe that social media holds up a magnifying glass to our society. It takes that which is good and lovely and blows it up to huge proportions, creating glossy and unattainable expectations for how picture perfect our lives could be. It takes our anger and hate and fear and projects them out into the world. It brings people together and it deepens the divide.
And I think sometimes we forget that behind every post is a living, breathing human being. Every set of eyes that reads our words belongs to a real person. And each person has their own thoughts, feelings, opinions, stories, hurts, and backgrounds. And your words or posts or memes can impact them.
This doesn’t mean that we are responsible for how everyone reads or interprets things; but we are responsible for being kind, respectful, reasonable human beings.
I truly believe that controversial issues are best discussed face-to-face, in the context of relationships. Dinner tables, park benches, and couches are the best places to talk about sensitive topics. This allows you to see the person you are talking to, which makes it easier to truly listen and engage, as well as to see the impact of your words. Conversation is so much more productive when it happens face-to-face. I know it’s not always possible, but it’s the ideal.
At the same time, social media can be a powerful platform to share your ideas and opinions. We all want to have a voice and to have that voice be heard. If you choose to engage sensitive topics on social media, please consider these reminders:
Don’t say anything online that you wouldn’t say while making eye contact with each and every one of your friends or followers.Practice the same values online as you do in your face-to-face interactions. Most of us value kindness, respect, and concern for others. If you value these things in person, value them online.Consider your intention in posting. If the purpose is to change people’s minds, you may want to shift your intention. I have never heard a person say that they changed their opinion based on a meme or political post. Practically speaking, the function of these mediums is to drive the reader deeper into their existing opinion, whether because it supports their opinion or reminds them why they disagree with the opposition. We need to think about why we are sharing what we are sharing.Be mindful of your audience. If you have 500 friends or followers, you most likely don’t know each of their personal stories related to every topic. For example, you don’t know each person’s personal or family history with mental illness. If you knew someone had a family member who was hospitalized for depression, you wouldn’t make a joke about mental illness with that person. Since you don’t know everyone’s history with sensitive topics (such as religion, sexual assault, domestic violence, fertility, sexuality), choose to be sensitive and mindful when discussing these topics. Tread carefully and respectfully.Whenever possible, take tense conversations private. Try to discuss things in person, on the phone, or via text or messenger, rather than playing it out in a public forum.Remember that you can exit social media whenever you choose. You can leave for a short time and then come back, or you can leave forever. When you feel flooded and discouraged by the anger and vitriol, you can choose to stop looking.
There are so many things I value about social media. A precious friend just spent an amazing weekend in Iceland, and social media allowed me to share in a small piece of her experience. I love seeing pictures of people’s kids and pets and work and creativity.
Social media can also be a powerful platform to share your opinion. When you choose to use it in this way, please do so mindfully and with care. Virtual communication can have intense real-life consequences.