Sometime this fall I smashed my toenail. My youngest was sitting on one of our bar stools, and I went to shift the stool to get into a kitchen drawer. I shifted that stool right onto my toenail and smashed it to bits. It wasn’t pretty, and it still is not pretty.
Thankfully it happened when sandal season was over, and my smashed-to-bits toenail has been politely camouflaged by socks and shoes ever since.
I love shoes. Actually, I love socks too. I find great delight in putting on a pair of soft, cozy socks on a cold winter day. I enjoy fancy and fun shoes and boots. I am particularly happy with my shoes and socks now that they are covering up a rather disgusting looking toenail, or what is left of it.
If you’ve seen me in the last month or two, you probably had no idea about the messy injury hidden underneath my shoes and socks. You may have even noticed my footwear and had no idea what it was covering up.
This is so much like life.
So many of us are walking around, looking put together and fine. We have smiles on our faces and we say that we are doing well. It’s the holidays, and most of us probably put up our Christmas lights and send out holiday cards. But underneath it all, we are bruised and hurting and smashed to pieces.
We need to remember that what we see is never the whole picture. We can’t see the hidden pain, grief, depression, and anxiety. Many people are very good at hiding, at functioning through very hard times. Unless you knew every detail of their lives and thoughts and feelings, you would have no idea about the hidden pain they are carrying.
It’s important to remember this when we are comparing ourselves to others, particularly to the part of people’s lives that they present on social media. Metaphorically, people may post a picture of their fancy party shoes on Instagram, but they probably will not post a picture of their banged up toenail. What you see online is never the whole picture of someone’s life.
This also extends to our real-life, everyday interactions. The mom you see at preschool pick-up may look put together and on top of it, but in reality she may be carrying hidden hurt and pain that you can’t see. The neighbor with perfect Christmas decorations may have a household with heaps of conflict. The coworker who seems rude and rushed may be carrying hidden grief.
There is so much we cannot see from looking on the outside. We need to remember that what we see and experience is never the whole picture of someone’s life and thoughts and feelings. When I am able to remember that, it reminds me to be more kind, more gracious, and more generous to the people around me.
Know that if you are carrying hidden pain, it doesn’t have to stay hidden. There are people who care and want to help. Reach out. Tell a therapist or a pastor or a family member or friend. Tell the truth about how you are feeling and ask for help.
What we see on the outside never tells us the whole story. Let’s hold tight to the reminder that everyone is dealing with their own struggles, and some peoples’ struggles involve pain we have no idea even exists. Let’s take that reminder and extend extra grace and compassion to those around us.