My middle daughter is the toughest human being I know. She can endure physical pain and injury without blinking. We’ve joked that her life mantra is, “I’m ok!” because it is what she shouts after every fall, crash, and tumble. And since she’s high energy and basically fearless, that happens a loThis denial is interesting to parent. On one hand, we delight in her bravery, her freedom, her resilience. On the other hand, it’s terrifying.
I so badly want her to know that it’s ok to be hurt, to cry, and to feel pain. I hate when she is hurt, but I appreciate when she gives me the opportunity to comfort her. Experiencing pain is part of being alive, and we want to care for her when she is hurt or sick.
She is in this delightful season of life where she writes to me almost every day. Some days she writes in her journal and requests that I write back. Some days she leaves me notes or stories or lists to read. It’s incredible to see her heart and mind working and processing in ways I haven’t seen before.
The other night she left me a note that said, “Something I am learning is that something can hurt really really bad. And I will be ok.” Next to the words were a picture of us hugging.
I felt so tender at her words. Because that is exactly what I want her to know, and to know deep in her bones.
Sometimes things hurt really, really badly. We sometimes have tremendous physical pain. We have broken bones, sickness, cuts, bruises. We sometimes have tremendous emotional pain. We face grief and loss, bruised egos, and heartache.\
And it is crucial that we not minimize this pain, that we allow those we love their hurt and pain. When we try to dismiss or minimize pain, whether our own or someone else’s, we only deepen it.
A few months ago, my husband and I went downtown for the day. It was gorgeous outside, and we had the best time. But I could tell within about 20 minutes of getting off the train that I had worn the wrong shoes. I pushed through and we walked miles around the city. But by the end of the day, my socks were bloody and I had raging blisters.
My attempts to deny my pain only exacerbated it. It’s often true with physical pain, and it’s almost always true with emotional pain.
There is room and space to acknowledge that sometimes life hurts really, really bad.
And.
And.
And.
Human beings are amazingly resilient. We are strong, and we can endure pain that seems impossible to endure. We wake up, we keep breathing, we do the hard and sacred work of showing up. And we will be ok, even when it feels like we will not be ok, even when we aren’t ok in the moment.
There is a hidden part of us that perseveres, that carries on. We will be ok.
We don’t have to walk through the pain alone. Just like my daughter drew the picture of us hugging, giving and receiving comfort are essential pieces to moving through pain.
We can acknowledge our pain, and we can invite others to witness it and walk through it with us.
We can know that life can hurt really, really bad. And we can know that we will be ok, and that we are not alone.