This weekend I worked on the Biannual Changing-of-the-clothes.  Twice a year I go through all of my family’s clothing.  I donate some, see what fits and what doesn’t, pack up the clothes that are out of season, and pull down the clothes that are in season.  On top of the changing season, my kids seem to be growing at an alarming pace, and things that fit them last week are suddenly too short.

It is a production.  A big, messy, time-consuming production that makes my bedroom look like a thrift store for a few days.

Which brings me to my point.  What did I do this weekend?  I cleaned, I organized, I figured out what we have and what we need.  I also read, snuggled with my kids, went to church, and got my son’s haircut.  It was a good and productive weekend.

But if I browse social media, it seems like everyone around me did things that were more fun, more exciting, more meaningful.  People left on vacations, ran road races, went on fancy dates, had dinner with big groups of friends, and remodeled parts of their homes.  People took their kids on fun adventures and went on beautiful hikes with their families.

And when I start to think about it, I feel a little anxious and a lot unsatisfied.  Why am I not doing those things?  Do I actually have friends?  Am I dud?  Am I giving my kids the experiences they need?  And if I was doing those things, when would I do the other things I need to do?

I’m telling you, I can spiral fast.

I have to take a deep breath.  I cannot do it all.  I can’t even do all the things I want and need to do for my own life, let alone the things I see other people doing.

It’s a thing I’ve been wrestling with a lot lately.  There are friends I really want to spend time with that I haven’t been able to see.  There are trips that I want to take that I can’t find the time or money to take.  There are work projects I want to throw myself into, continuing education I want to pursue, classroom parties I want to volunteer for, experiences I would love to provide for my kids, dates I’d like to go on with my husband, and fitness goals I would love to achieve.  There is a closet that needs to be cleaned so badly that it audibly mocks me when I walk past.

There’s pressure to do it all and to have it all.  This isn’t new pressure by any means, but social media certainly intensifies it.

The truth is that I’m in a season where the majority of my time is allocated to work and family. I work two evenings a week, and it’s a high priority for me to be home with my family as many evenings that I can.  I am so aware of the preciousness of this part of life, when my kids want me to read them bedtime stories, eat family dinners, and practice spelling words together.  It’s hard and it’s good, and I want to be present for it.

This means that my social life is pretty dim.  It’s not nonexistent, and I value and treasure the time that I do get to spend with my friends.  But it’s an oddly lonely season for friendships, and an overstimulating season for family.

I say no to a lot of things.  I don’t volunteer in my kids’ classrooms, and the year that I tried to I almost went insane because I didn’t actually have the margin to uphold my commitment.  I don’t have plants, because feeding my family requires enough thought without adding more living creatures to the mix.  I don’t go to gym classes, travel very much, participate in a book club, or cook fancy food.

And here’s the deal.  I could maybe do most of these things.  But it would come at a cost.  If I had more hobbies or did more with my friends, I would see my husband and kids less.  If I traveled more, I would work less, and I am in a building phase of my career.  If I cleaned that rude closet, I wouldn’t have finished the last book I read, and it was a really good one.

We can’t have it all, do it all, be it all.  And that’s ok.  The pressure is more of a problem than the limitation itself.  If we make our choices with intention, we can feel good about what we have and what we do, without feeling anxious about what we think we should have or should be doing.

Your needs and priorities may look very different than mine, and that’s ok.  A few years ago mine looked different, and in a few years I bet they will look different again.  There are weekends when we do fun, exciting, meaningful things.  And then there are weekends where we take care of the business of being a family and having a home.  It’s all good, it all matters.

We can’t do it all, and that is okay.  If we know our values and make our choices with intention, we can rest with freedom in the midst of our limitations.  We can remove the pressure to live as superhumans, and allow ourselves to just be us, just here and just now.