Dear Travis,
One day when you were brand new in the world, I sat holding your sweet, tiny self and realized that some day you would be a middle school boy. I burst into tears. Your papa came home and found me crying, as I lamented that you would have to go through middle school some day.
I remember so clearly how much I loathed middle school. I remember being aware of not knowing where I fit in the world. I was no longer a little kid, but I definitely did not fit with adults or even teenagers yet. I didn’t know where I fit with friends, I didn’t even know where I fit within myself. I can remember wanting to throw up every time my parents used the phrase “adolescent” or worse yet, “pre-adolescent” (I don’t know why it was worse, it just was). I felt awkward and self-conscious and everything felt hard and wrought with tension.
When you were a tiny baby, your papa told me not to project my middle school trauma on to you, and besides, middle school was a long way away.
And here we are. You started sixth grade today.
I look at you, and I see this kid who I sometimes cannot believe was just that sweet, tiny baby. You think you’re too short, but I cannot believe how tall you are. I can slip my feet into your shoes. You love Percy Jackson, Harry Potter, Marvel, and Dr. Who. You never stop talking about dirt bikes and you can charm affection from any animal you meet. You are unbelievably patient and kind to your young cousins. You are really funny, which is something I think lots of people may miss about you. You have to be paying attention to catch your quick, witty humor, and I love it. You think and feel deeply, and your big feelings remind me so much of my own. I love your tender heart, your determination, and your curiosity.
Our conversations with you have gotten so much more expansive over the last year. We’ve had conversations about God, faith, race, sex, politics, relationship dynamics, and responsibility. None of these conversations are new to us, but they’ve gone deeper and you’ve had some amazing insights.
As if middle school wasn’t challenging enough, you’re starting middle school in the middle of a pandemic. At a stage in life when so much can feel uncertain, there is a heaping mess of global uncertainty and chaos hovering over all of us. It’s making school and relationships harder. You’re starting middle school already grieving what your missing, from soccer to time with friends to actually going to school. This morning you logged into your chromebook from the basement, and the school year started.
It’s sad and hard, and I know you are feeling it deeply. We are right there with you buddy.
As you enter this new part of life, I hope and pray that you keep having conversations with us. Keep sitting on my bed or at the table and talking. Keep sharing your heart with us. We love you so much, and we promise that we will be a safe place to bring whatever it is that you are processing and feeling. And, when you don’t feel like talking to us, remember that there are friends and family members, wise adults, who love you too, who would be thrilled to listen and support you.
Be kind. The world always needs more kindness, but especially now. Be kind to your classmates and your teachers (even when that means your sisters and your papa and me). Be kind to yourself.
Please remember that we are for you. We are your biggest fans, and we really, really like you. I know it’s hard to remember that when I am telling you to shower or Papa is saying it’s time to get off screens. But we are delighted in who you are. I cannot wait to see what changes take place in the next three years. Because as weird of a time as middle school can be, it is also a time where you start knowing who you are and what you want out of life. And I am so excited to see what captures your attention, what stories unfold in your heart and mind and life in the next three years.
When you were a newborn, I knew what middle school had been like for me. But I didn’t know you, not at all like I know you now. Now I know that you are brave and smart, sensitive and strong, creative and curious. You are so much more than I ever imagined you would be. And I believe that you have what it takes to navigate middle school well, even in the middle of these strange circumstances. I believe that we will figure it out together.
Love God. Love others. We will figure out the rest.
I love you so much,
Mama