I’ve been hearing a lot of talk about life-changing magic. Life-changing magic of tidying up, of living minimally, of certain food plans, of gyms and exercise programs, of not giving two hoots about what other people think. There seems to be a lot of life-changing magic floating around.
I’m really interested in life-changing magic. Part of what I love most about my work is getting a front-row seat to growth and healing and change. I always want to be in the process of growing and becoming more alive. I love reading studies, articles, and books and listening to podcasts and TED talks. There’s a lot of interesting and useful ideas out there.
But life-changing magic? I’m not so sure about that. It seems rare to hear people talk about their lives being sustainably and dramatically changed by a program, platform, or book. These things can be helpful and may provide some short-term boosts, but they don’t seem to create real, lasting change, at least not often.
When it comes right down to it, I think kindness is the only life-changing magic I know.
Kindness. Being treated with friendliness, generosity, and warmth. Being seen and valued and cared for. That is real life-changing magic.
Kindness can look a million different ways. It can be complimenting a stranger, making friendly eye contact with the cashier at Walgreens, or thanking the postman by name. It can be clearing snow off a coworker’s car, putting your phone down during a conversation, or picking up your spouse’s shoes without complaining. It can be really listening to someone as they talk, forgiving mistakes, and believing the best of those we love.
Kindness changes lives. It really and truly does. When someone is kind to us, they communicate that they see our value and worth as human beings. They communicate that we matter, that our lives, our hearts, and our stories matter. Being seen and valued changes so much about our experience, the way we see ourselves, and the way we move in the world.
Kindness is the single most important quality for parenting, marriage, and friendship. I am not saying we should boundaryless or let people walk all over us. There is a difference. You can be kind while setting limits, taking good care of yourself, and holding boundaries. The presence of kindness changes everything and makes it safe and possible to set healthy limits.
The other day at Target a stranger stopped me and told me she liked my hair. It was a tiny two-second interaction, but it brightened my whole day. If that kind of small interaction around a superficial topic can do that, imagine what sustained kindness over time can do for someone?
I believe that kindness can begin to shift a person’s perception of who they are and what they are capable of. I believe kindness can shatter shame, speak to grief, and open space for healing.
And, one of the most potent aspects of kindness is that our life can be changed both by giving and receiving it. When someone is kind to us, that kindness can transform us. when we are kind to others, that kindness can transform us.
Go ahead and throw away objects that don’t spark joy. Eat in ways that nourish and nurture your body well. But most importantly, be a person who is kind. Be someone who is open to receiving kindness, in all different forms and from all different people. Be a person who share kindness generously, abundantly, and freely. It will change lives.