I’ve had some disheartening interactions lately. None of them have been a big deal, but they’ve all reminded me that the world is not as kind, safe, and gentle as I would like it to be.
I write and talk a lot about how most of us are doing the best we can; how we need to be gracious and remember that we are all fighting our own hard battles. One of the most beautiful parts of my job is that people share their vulnerable stories and selves with me, and I am regularly amazed by how strong and resilient and tender people are.
But in the last few weeks I’ve heard people say things that have kind of knocked the wind out of me. It’s all been little things, but I’ve been sharply reminded that lots of people aren’t sensitive to others’ feelings, don’t care about including others, and are thinking and saying harsh and judgmental things. The worst part of it all has been coming face-to-face with parts of myself that think and feel and act in this way.
I’ve let these comments and conversations feed my anxiety and take away some of my joy. They’ve added a weight to my heart in the last few weeks. A few times I’ve heard myself sound downright cynical.
This week one of the Big Kids on the bus was unkind to my six year old. My normally confident and cheerful child was sobbing and saying she never wanted to go to school or ride the bus again. It broke my heart. I added it my running list of how much people suck.
Our neighbor saw my daughter’s tears at the bus stop, and it turns out that that she knew this particular Big Kid. My neighbor ended up talking to the Big Kid’s mom about the problems we were having on the bus. Her reaction could not have been more helpful and appropriate. The Big Kid wrote my first-grader the sweetest apology note, and since then has been looking for ways to include my daughter and be kind to her. The relationship is mended, my daughter feels like herself again, and I am reminded that there are good and kind people out there.
I so needed that reminder. There are so many stories that aren’t going to have that kind of idyllic ending. I know that. But I also know that one small, redemptive story can go a long way. One reminder that there are people who care and choose kindness can carry a lot of weight.
It is true that some people say really mean and dismissive things. Some people don’t care about the feelings of others, mock the things that make us different, and lack grace for human error and weakness. The world is not as safe, gentle, or kind as I wish it was.
But I can chose to be safe, gentle, and kind. I can care about the feelings of others and offer validation and care. I can value differences and look for ways to include people who feel left out. I can be gracious with myself and with others.
I can choose kindness and gentleness even when not everybody does. I can be safe and kind person and I can make my home a place where all are welcome and seen and safe. And I can teach my children to do the same.
I probably won’t change the culture and it definitely won’t change the world. But if we can offer one small, redemptive story to one person, that can carry a lot of weight. And if lots of us commit to being safe and seeing each other, that could create change. And that’s what I am hoping for.