I had grand plans for my second maternity leave.  With twelve weeks off, I planned to reorganize and clean my house, work on some writing projects, do as many play dates as possible, and read a ton of books.

Somehow, I neglected to factor in that I would be caring for a toddler and a newborn while recovering from giving birth.  I had no idea that my leave would focus on surviving a severely colicky baby, a two-year-old with a broken arm and poison ivy, and postpartum depression.

In my mind, it should’ve been a time for projects and rest and fun.  In reality, it was a lot harder than that.

I feel like a lot of people started this stay-at-home/shelter-in-place with a lot of grand plans for projects and new hobbies and productivity.  In reality, it is turning out to be a lot harder than that.

I totally understand the urge to make the most of the time, to plan to get in shape, learn a language, or tackle that TBR pile.  Those are wonderful goals, and if you have productive energy to burn, those are great ways to spend it.

But this is not a staycation.  This is not a random free weekend with nothing on the calendar.

This is a time of global crisis.  This is a public health emergency and severe economic disruption.  A month ago, most of us couldn’t even imagine a time when everything was shut down, when there was no school or college, no church gatherings, no sporting events, no coffee dates or dinners out.  Everything shifted faster than we could even track, and we don’t know how or when it will shift back.

This is a time of crisis, and navigating crisis demands a tremendous amount of physical, mental, and emotional energy. This is new and scary and uncharted.  There are losses, big and small, to mourn.  There is uncertainty to process through.  It’s exhausting.

So maybe you aren’t in hyper-productive mode.  Maybe your house isn’t more organized than it’s ever been, your biceps aren’t more defined than they’ve ever been, and you have yet to learn how to speak Italian.  Maybe you are finding yourself sleeping more, craving comfort food, and needing more rest.

It’s okay.  It makes sense.  You are not alone.

Your job right now isn’t to master a new skill, write the Great American novel, or redo your basement.  If you want to do those things and you have the energy to do them, that’s fantastic.  But it’s not necessary, and it’s not the only way to navigate this time well.

What is most important is that we are taking care of our hearts and the hearts of those around us.   What is most important is that we are present to ourselves and each other.

Sometimes all the presence we can muster is curling up and watching a show together.  Sometimes being present to yourself means asking your family to give you some space.

If you need more sleep, let yourself sleep.  Be sure that you’re checking in with yourself regularly, that you know what you are feeling, and that you are taking care of those feelings.  Make sure you’re getting outside, moving your body, and nurturing yourself.

If you are a parent, know that your kids’ educations will be okay.  School is about learning to think and process and learn.  The tests were never the point anyway.  Teachers and educators are rock stars, working to connect with their students and provide them with resources during this difficult time.  But more important that their schoolwork, pay attention to how your children are feeling.  Pay attention to their needs for connection and nurturing.

I’ve heard a lot of people talk about how this can be a tremendous time of growth and transformation, right in the middle of the fear and tragedy. I see that potential too and pray that there is goodness to come out of all of this pain.  But growth and change never feel comfortable or productive when they are happening.  They feel a lot like uncomfortable emotions, exhaustion, and messiness.

If you feel like you’re in survival mode, it’s okay. Our job right now is to take care of ourselves and each other.  Let’s take away all the pressure to do a whole lot more than that.  Allow space to rest, to nurture, and to be.  Let your productivity be the work of practicing empathy, cultivating hope, and expressing gratitude.