The weather is teasing us. We’ve had crisp, cool days and hot, humid days. It’s kind of summer and kind of fall, like the season is trying to shift, trying to slide into what’s next, but it hasn’t clicked over quite yet.
But our schedule has clicked over. We are well into the school year and all our fall activities. It’s an entirely different daily rhythm than the summer.
It’s a shift, in the weather, in our schedule, and in my attention.
In the summer my focus is two-fold: survival (juggling two careers and three kids out of school without extra childcare) and having as much fun as possible. I try and say yes as often as I can. This translates to more ice cream, later bedtimes, less room-cleaning, more last-minute trips to the beach, more laundry, less structure.
In the fall, we have more going on, but it’s more predictable and structured. Our days have a different rhythm to them, and there is both more space and less space. My energy starts to quiet and settle a bit. Something shifts.
There was a time when I expected the same thing from myself regardless of the season I was in. I expected myself to behave like a machine.
For example, I completely expect my coffee maker to work the exact same way every single day. Summer or winter, good days and bad. I expect it to make my coffee when I have it set to make my coffee. I expect my coffee to be hot and made at the same speed every single day, no matter what else is going on in the world.
I used to expect the same of myself. Get up at the same time, eat the same kinds of food in the same quantities, exercise the same, produce the same, focus the same. Whether I was sick or tired or life was extra stressful didn’t really matter.
It sounds extreme, but so many of us live this way. We expect ourselves to function the same in every season. We don’t pay attention to what we want or need on any given day, to what our body is telling us he or she needs.
And our needs will vary day to day, season to season. For example, research shows that our sleep needs vary throughout life. We need more sleep in the teenage years than in the young adult years. We need more sleep when we are sick and if we are depressed or anxious or grieving. Metabolically, we may need more protein or carbs as our stress and task levels shift.
We need to learn to listen to ourselves, to our bodies and hearts and minds. We need to pay attention to our exhaustion, our hunger, and our energy levels. And we need to adjust our activities and expectations accordingly.
I recognize that life often feels nonnegotiable. We have to show up at work, we have to feed and care for our families, etc. etc. And while this is true, most of us have more flexibility than we allow ourselves.
For example, I am committed to exercising regularly. I take this commitment very seriously, as it has proven essential for my mental and physical health. But it is not nonnegotiable. I can honor myself and my needs by checking in with my body before working out. Some days I feel strong and energetic, and a run or kickboxing fit my needs best. Other days, a walk or some gentle yoga fit better. Other days, a little extra sleep is honestly the healthiest choice.
Feeding my family is nonnegotiable. But how we get fed is not. My husband and I can figure out who takes care of what meal when, in a way that honors both of us. I can choose creative and intensive meals on the weekend, when I have more space and energy, and quicker and simpler meals on evenings when we have more going on. We can eat out, eat leftovers, or batch cook when we have the time. Feeding ourselves and the kids is nonnegotiable, but we can pay attention to our energy and needs to determine how we do it best.
We have more flexilbity in our lives and in how we care for ourselves than we often allow. By tuning into the season we are in, and our mental and physical health day by day, we can plan our schedules and self-care around our needs and energy levels. We can shift with the seasons and the days.