I had two back-to-back cancellations this morning, which rarely happens. I decided to use my office hours to tackle a giant To Do list of billing and paperwork and emails that have been glaring at me for the last few weeks. This list has been niggling at the back of my mind, and even though it is one of my least favorite parts of my job, I was glad to have some space to work on it.
I am proud to report that I checked every item off that To Do list. The pile of paperwork is gone. I saw the satisfying “Your mailbox is empty” message. It’s all done, complete, finished.
Victory.
I leaned back in my chair, satisfied. I went and got my next client and had our session. After she left, I walked by the mail room and saw a new pile of billing and paperwork ready for me to attend to. I carried it to my office, where my inbox read 17.
Defeat..
When I was growing up, I was the kid who felt like she couldn’t relax until her homework was completed. I’ve always hated the feeling of things hanging over my head. I can’t avoid the bad feeling of having to do something I don’t want to do, so I would rather just do it.
I carried this mentality into adulthood, and to my dismay found out that it doesn’t always work so well. First of all, projects last much longer. If I had waited to relax until my dissertation was completed, I wouldn’t have had a moment’s rest for over two years. There is always, always work to be done. I’m never actually done cleaning, because as soon as I finish something, another space has gotten dirty. My laundry situation is like the oil in the Hanukkah lamp.
I see articles everywhere about overcoming procrastination. But how do you overcome the need to complete, the inability to breathe deeply until all the work is done? Particularly when all the work is never done?
Projects last a long time, and work is never fully done. The empty inbox only lasts a few seconds.
If I don’t sit down to rest until the house is clean, I will never sit down. If I don’t chat with a co-worker in my break until every task is completed, I will forever be in my office with the door closed. If I don’t talk to my husband until all my emails and texts are responded to, we will never have another conversation.
I want to be conscientious, but I don’t want my conscientiousness to turn me into an exhausted, crazy, and cranky human being.
The internet tells me that to overcome procrastination I should make lists, set productivity timers, chunk my tasks, and find accountability. So I figure that to lean in to procrastination, I basically apply these same strategies to rest.
I am going to make lists of things I am not going to do today. Today I am not going to clean my bathrooms, go to the post office, or clean out my sock drawer (all things on my to do list). I’m going to set a slacker timer, where I choose to do nothing productive for a set amount of time. I’m going to enlist friends to help me chill out.
I know lots of people need the sage advice for overcoming procrastination. But some of us need some help relaxing, leaving things undone, and being present. I’m not advocating irresponsibility, but instead honoring our need to rest.
So, for those recovering perfectionists out there, I am taking a pro-procrastination position. Let’s leave some things undone, if only for a bit. Let’s allow ourselves to take a break before the list is complete and the work is done. The work will always be there; this very moment will never come again.