The Arlington Center

Sexual Addiction Treatment

 

Is sex your way of escape?

Sex can be a drug. Just like any drug it is used to numb your pain. If you are isolated, afraid, angry or hurt, do you go to sex to numb your pain?

Just like any drug, sex can also be addicting and becomes out of control. Like other addictions, sex addiction builds tolerance. As the addiction progresses it takes more and more to satisfy. Sex addiction produces withdrawal.

Stopping sex is scary and the addict thinks that he or she cannot live without the drug. Sex addiction creates obsessive thinking and compulsive patterns. The addict has thoughts and fantasies that will not go away. The addict then acts out those obsessions by compulsive and ritualistic behaviors; doing acts he or she does not want to do. The addict ends up acting out in ways that are against his or her beliefs and experiences shame, believing he or she is worthless. As part of the addictive cycle, the addict continues to act out in order to medicate the pain caused by the shame.

If this is your experience or your spouse’s experience, The Arlington Center is here to help. We have counselors that have had years of experience working with sex addicts. We run men’s support groups where healing happens! We believe that no one can heal alone. Sex addiction is a disease of intimacy. It is an attempt to heal the wounds of rejection and abandonment. Acting out with sex, however, is not the answer. It is a false intimacy. It is an attempt to meet intimacy needs by oneself. That cannot be done. You need to reach out or you will act out. Reaching out develops intimacy and is life giving. Acting out is isolating and ends in death. Help is available.

 

Characteristics of a Sex Addict

  • Sex in isolation: You have sex alone or are detached when with your partner.

  • Sex in secret: You live a double life.  You act out in secret, apart from your partner.

  • Sex without intimacy: You lust (self-focused) instead of love (partner focused).

  • Sex without relationship: You have sex for sex sake.  Your partner becomes an object.

  • Sex that victimizes: Your partner feels used.

  • Sex that ends in despair: You feel empty and ashamed.

Definitions and Behaviors of Sexual Addiction

Sexual addiction comes in many different forms. There is no single type of behavior or even amount of behavior that will indicate you are a sexual addict. The problem is much more complex than can be explained in a few words and if you have been living the life of a sex addict, you know how difficult it is to describe what you are experiencing.

Three basic things to consider when you define sexual addiction are:

  • Do I have a sense that I have lost control over whether or not I engage in my specific out-of-control sexual behavior?
  • Am I experiencing significant consequences because of my specific out-of-control sexual behavior?
  • Do I feel like I am constantly thinking about my specific out-of-control sexual behavior, even when I don’t want to?

It is these three “hallmarks” that help to define the boundaries of sexual addiction and compulsivity. The range of behaviors can include masturbation and pornography through sexual exploitation of others. If the three questions are answered “yes,” then you may want to seek further help to begin to sort out the complexities of your sexual behavior and find out for certain if sexual addiction is the best descriptor of your problem.